Hang In There Till You Have The Courage To Find Your Way Back

Saturdays with Shivani

My productivity in terms of writing has been low and to be honest restricted to the 500 odd words that I manage to write for this Saturday weekly. The past one year has been a testing one for all of us and though I have tried to stay afloat by learning new skills (art) and upgrading existing ones (cooking), writing has been on the backburner. I miss medicine and teaching, now more than ever, and often find myself meandering into a black hole that I had promised myself I shall avoid.

While the world around is imploding and I have been fighting my own demons, I think it’s time for me to pull myself out of that rut. I also need to acknowledge my privilege to be able to afford the luxury of downtime and now to be able to simply state that I must do something about it. I am grateful to my family and my friends who haven’t given up on me; yet. I shall try not to test them any further.

As I gather myself together, I came across an article by Amitava Kumar, The Oldest Productivity Trick Around. He has quoted a line by Annie Dillard: “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” That line, as simple as it may sound, is the warning bell I probably need. For all those who are feeling stuck in their current situation may find it a helpful read.

From here on, I am actually hoping to be able to put into practice what I read. Why do I write it here? That’s because saying it out aloud or putting it on paper seals the deal for me. I feel answerable and committed.

I have figured that what is stopping me from writing is the fear of it. The longer I stay away, the bigger that fear becomes. I am scared that I may not have something substantial to say so I have chosen not to say it at all. Just because I am not good at it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it. I need to go back to 2017 when I had discovered the joy in writing. I should rather try to pursue that joy instead of chasing the mythical perfection that this achievement-oriented world has always set me up to.

There is another reason that I share my fears with you. When you read this and if you identify with what I am going through, you may sense a kinship. I hope and wish that you have the luxury to wallow in it and that you have enough support around you to see you through this. I hope no one makes you feel guilty of inaction and if someone does you can ward it off before you embrace it. And lastly may this make you hope that you will come out of it, sooner or later. It’s ok to hang in there till you have the courage to find your way back.

Meanwhile, stay safe and take good care of yourself.

Love and light.

Dr. Shivani Salil

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