ARE YOU DEALING WITH NARCISSISTIC ABUSE?
As women, we are so used to making adjustments, be it within the family, with our partner, parents, spouse, child or even in our close social circles that we don’t even realize that this may be taking a toll on our own mental health. A woman, in her daily life, has to adapt to many situations and circumstances because of her immense powers of empathy, understanding, patience and tolerance. But that doesn’t mean just because you are a woman, you keep working to make everyone happy and keep all strings attached. There’s no reason to be called a model daughter, wife, partner, mother or friend, especially if it is affecting your mental stability.
Look out for the signs of narcissistic abuse. They may be coming from none other than your loved ones.
What is narcissistic abuse?
Abuse may be emotional, verbal, mental, psychological, physical, financial, spiritual or sexual. Manipulation is an indirect form of influence on someone to behave in a way that furthers the goals of the abuser/ manipulator, often expressing covert aggression. On the surface, the words may seem harmless, but deep down, you feel demeaned or sense a hostile intent.
Privacy invasion: Crossing private boundaries to check your phone records, messages, calls, e-mails or constantly questioning you about your whereabouts.
Remember, a narcissist isn’t a person whom you can satisfy with any amount of submission. Because, narcissists derive pleasure in seeing you in pain, in crushing your self-esteem and they do this mostly by blaming you. A narcissist claims that he/she has always been doing their best for you, has your best interests at heart but ultimately blames you, saying that you have never been reciprocative and you aren’t even trying enough. Constant accusations on your capabilities, casting doubts on your abilities and blaming you for something in which you have no role are all signs of narcissistic abuse.
Psychological research shows that because a narcissist is unhappy with his own life, yet he moves around with a mask of apparent perfection, he derives sadistic pleasure in making you unhappy. This is more so if you are very closely, emotionally attached with the person and since the narcissist already knows this, he uses the blame game and accusations to shatter your confidence further. Women who undergo repeated narcissistic abuse are 90% more likely to get depressed than normal women with healthy associations. Constant accusations that you aren’t good enough, that you are a thankless person, that you aren’t even trying to improve, gradually program your mind to believe in the words of the narcissist and there begins your mental degeneration.
Typically, narcissists don’t take the blame for their actions and try to justify whatever they say or do, pushing the ultimate blame on you and remember, a narcissist never feels any guilt for his actions.
It is first important to identify and accept that you are a victim of narcissistic abuse and then take steps to lessen the trauma and seek help, if necessary. But here’s the good thing – YOU CAN FIGHT BACK! Don’t let narcissistic abuse ruin your life, just because you are a woman who has been brought up in a patriarchal society which believes it’s the woman who must always adjust. But NO, DON’T ADJUST BY HARMING YOURSELF. Start taking your own stance, even if it leads to conflicts. Start controlling your own life and make your own choices. You are not obliged to cook breakfast or dinner even if you are not well and not feeling up to it, just because your narcissistic parted, parent, spouse or child demands so.
Trust that you can do things on your own and be strong enough to say “NO”. Don’t accept the blame that doesn’t belong to you. Don’t ever fall into the narcissist’s trap, and if you are already in it, take immediate steps to get out of it. I know, it can be difficult and painful, but you need to do it and you should do it. Remember, just because you are a woman, you can’t be taken for granted – no one, absolutely no one has this right.
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